Give the gift of bullshit.

Signing into my old blog to catch up on what those who I'd been following had been posting reminded me of how intoxicating it was to write to everyone in particular with little to no chance of them finding out. But it also reminded me of how awful I felt during that short period of time that I felt like I had to do so. Really. I used to spew hate and love all over that blog, like the angsty little teenager I was / am, writing directly to people I knew would never read it with a sick and almost desperate desire for them to find me out. There have been a couple times in the last few months where I've had the urge to write again outside of this blog, but I've stopped myself, because I really don't have to, and what's the point? Anything that's worth writing about, I can find a way to articulate here. And anything too personal or private to share, is so for a reason. 


Practical Magic is on the TV for the second time in a row tonight, and Nicole Kidman is so fucking beautiful. I'm feeling pretty envious of her hair color, and wish that Ulta was open at 1:14 in the morning so I could dye my hair right now. I've only got one rehearsal this week, which I couldn't appreciate more. That feels weird to say, considering everything I want to do all the time takes place in that building.. mostly. Did I say thing? This whole show hasn't felt good / right / comfortable from the start. Everyone on the cast is great, and nice, and friendly, and working really hard. But the experience isn't warm. That's it, I think. The main issue. It doesn't feel as worth it as other projects I've been a part of. But then again, I got an A in math class, so this show could be brilliant. Could be.


The muscles in my upper, right, arm don't feel like they're in the right places, and my stomach has growled before, after, and during every meal I had today. But I only ate once, and had coffee this morning on an empty stomach. So I'm just whining about that which is self induced. 


I'm feeling especially artsy. And that's good. That's really really good.