This has been the most emotional week of my life. For many reasons. Most of which I don't want to talk to much of anyone about. I've never really had a private life, but it seems like that's just about all I have right now.

I've received more details about Gibran's suicide today. I've connected with a few more people in and out of state. I am ready to speak at our whole school meeting tomorrow. I fully anticipate I"ll cry and shout to and at everyone in that room, and hide when lunch comes around because I also fully anticipate people wanting to hug me and tell me they're sorry, even though that's not what I want right now, especially from those kids who didn't know him. And who really don't know me. I'm not afraid to and answer people with a firm "no" when they ask me if I'm doing okay. I'm not.

I was informed by a friend of mine that a girl he knows who attends Flowing Well's High School spoke with the counselor who read the police report. His mother has apparently blamed it on his piers and they will hold a private service. If his death had anything to do with being gay then I'm sure she just wanted to take the blame off herself. He was never good enough for her. It wasn't enough that he got straight A's and was on student council and tried everything he could to be her son. He just couldn't be her perfect little Catholic, Mexican, Straight son. I remember when he finally got the courage to come out to her. He told me she cried. Told him he was wrong. Lying. And if I remember correctly, forced him to watch porn of the heterosexual nature. This was when we were in middle school. 


He hanged himself. Left no note. Nothing on his phone. Computer wiped. He wanted to disappear. And he's done far from that. His Facebook is still active. And it seems that every person who's heard, myself included, has written to him. It's incredible, in an extremely tragic way. The amount of love that has been shown for him is unbelievable. People are confessing things they never had the chance to, recounting memories, and anything else they need to say. But it's not enough to offset the overwhelming number of voids that have been created because of it. And they're going to have a private service. There are kids all over this town seeking answers and closure who are supposed to take the blame for this incident. 

If need be I will take it upon myself to organize a public service for anyone who needs to pay their respects. At a park somewhere. I don't know yet. I'll make a Facebook event to let everyone know that it's happening. This is just too critical to let it slip by. And then I have to think about all of the other people in the world right now that are dealing with the same thing. All of these suicides. Families, friends, lovers. This is too big of an issue. And with disgusting, intolerant people like Boyd Packer [the second highest leader in the Mormon Church] announcing that being gay is 'unnatural', 'impure', 'morally wrong', and can be 'overcome' on a broadcast to millions of people just last week, something has to be done. 
And I need my part in it.