No, no they can't take that away from me.

I spent my day off from the theatre learning choreography, planning costume pieces, radiating hate towards a dirty old fuck of a man from my past at Subway while scarfing down a meatball marinara, looking at next month's schedule, and filling my brain with new inspirations. I was fine being around just me, but I wasn't any more than fine. A very recent discussion with a friend of mine opened my eyes to my behavioral patterns from the past few years. The bouts of depression I would get into, and periods of overwhelming insecurity were when I gave myself too much time to think. When I had time to dislike myself as opposed to just the things I do. I must constantly create or I feel useless, and when I feel useless I don't want to feel. I'm afraid of where this entry might go so I'll end it here, while I'm still fully aware of the recognizable techno I hear unrecognizably coming from my dad's room, and the volume of my cat's breathing.